i've been sleeping so strange at night, with a head full of pesticides.

it's all part of the metamorphosis, they say.
the crazed art at midday,
the pain rolling down my chest in salt water form.


if i can't feel you, i desperately need to know you're there.
doing something. anything.

it's just that all my friends are falling in love, a.k.a. two people and that feels like everyone.

six // fifty two

"Is this what our trip will be like? A long series of endings?"

Nina LaCour

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i really like this self portrait, for some reason.
in a technical sense, it's a few days late--but i have a good excuse. (in the process of our move, i somehow managed to lose my camera charger. (what?) so i had to wait until i could borrow dakota's charger. which is lame. but whatever--a photographer's gotta do what they gotta do.)
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it was morning, every one else was gone from the house. the light diffused through the side window was beautiful and impossible to not make use of, so i set up my tripod and self-timer, and snapped this. lately i've been experimenting a lot with film look, and so i added some film flare in post-processing. thoughts, anyone?
xx.

tiny perfect moments

i've had four perfect moments tonight. i can't even count the ones from earlier today. funny thing is, all these perfect moments aren't perfect to them. this is everyday normal, and they can't appreciate it, at least not the way i do. i swear to never forget this time in my life, where a simple late-night conversation, held while sprawled on living room couches, tired but relaxed, constitutes perfection. maybe sometime this will become my normal too, but when that happens i never, ever want to take it for granted simply because it stares me in the face.
the first perfect moment tonight was eating chicken/bacon/pepper pizza around the kitchen bar while people, little and older, laughed and joked and grabbed seconds.
the second perfect moment was stepping into the dark, snowy woods, all bundled up fat in coats and mittens and scarves and ski pants and hats, as we walked the first four steps of our late night snow trail adventure. the snow on the path was fresh and untrodden;  more was falling thick and fast.
the third perfect moment was the one i already mentioned, when scott, abi, zoe, and i came in, tired and aching. (well, at least i was.) we plopped down in the livingroom where deb was, and talked lazily for a little while about everything and anything.
the fourth perfect moment is right now--this very second. i'm half laying/half sitting on the bed in ema's old room, propped up by pillows and surrounded by so many warm blankets. i'm writing and listening to a playlist i made on spotify called "bon nuit." right now it's playing palmistry by the great lake swimmers. it's late, just about midnight, and everyone is sleeping quietly. this could be no more beautiful and perfect. 
...
this is what I wrote tonight, exactly as I penned it in my journal. this is me, real and honest, writing exactly how i do when i'm unencumbered by any sort of blogging standard. it's quite the exercise in the authentic, the heartfelt, the sincere. i feel hesitant, as though revealing and even reveling in potential flaws will dash everything i've built to the ground. that's entirely untrue, but really, this is just showing me my own insecurities, and how i care too much about what other people think, and too little about expressing who i really am.
xx.

clementines.

i haven't done a still life or a diptych in a long time, so i thought i'd do both.
xx.

dear world

dear world,
i really don't know who is going to read this. so i'm addressing it to the world, because if you're reading this i'm pretty sure you would fall into that category. and if you are reading this, you should know straight away that this space isn't created with you in mind.
it's freeing to be able to say that.
see, i'm not publishing another blog so that it will appeal to strangers. i'm not writing anything on here to please a "following" that i build, or astound anyone with beauty. i'm not trying to inspire, to encourage, or to display any talent i might possess.

in fact, i'm writing this for me.

recently, i realized that when i write anything that i intend to make public, it comes out so differently from the messy but beautiful writing in my own notebooks and journals. i unconsciously feel a standard that i have to live up to, and so i change my own style to try to make it the "way it's supposed to be."

i deleted my tumblr, so i no longer have a place to post random inspiration or meaningful little pictures or anecdotes.

sometimes, there are pictures i want to post but they don't fit into the "scheme" of whatever i'm publishing on my other blog.

those three things are the main reasons i'm bringing this little space into being. the only rule is that there are no rules. i haven't typed a single capital letter in this entire post, and i expect that's the way it's going to be in future posts too--and that's okay! because even though it's english-ly incorrect, i like it better and so i'm going to do it. i'm not going to promote this blog on facebook or my other blog or anywhere else, because i don't ever want to feel like i have to be a certain way because of the people i know are reading it. i'm going to post whatever i want: some posts may be a simple paragraph about today, or anything on my heart at the moment, some may be just a bible verse, or a song that i've been crushing on lately. i may publish really long posts with lots of pictures and words, and sometimes i'll post twice in a day and sometimes this blog may go without hearing from me in a month or two.

but it doesn't matter, because everything on here is only supposed to be real and not forced.

in case you want to get to know me a little bit better, here are some things about me in no particular order.

my real name is simplicity. i didn't use to like it when i was little, because i thought it was too different. but now i love it with all my heart. every once in a while i go up to my mom or dad and say "thank you for naming me simplicity!" because i really do like it that much.

you can call me simi, because that's what all my friends do and i like that name too.

i have lots of freckles. i'm glad of it.

taking pictures is my passion. i think i want to do it for a living, because i like telling stories and photographs are my favorite way to do that.

i'm super excited for twenty thirteen, because so many magnificent things could happen this year. i've written about it a little already, but i expect to share more lists of goals and such soon.

i never realized how extremely optimistic person i was until i kept catching myself finding good things in every  not so good thing that happens to me. that makes my life a lot easier.

tea is my favorite, especially tazo and stash and anything rooibos.

i wish i were an extrovert. but i'm not.

i play the violin. sometimes, i write songs too. maybe i'll share one or two on here someday.

i will always use the oxford comma, for this reason.

writing and receiving handwritten letters makes me so happy. if you ask to be my penpal i'll probably say yes.

i dream of being an artist. i want to make honest photographs that tell stories, and pen words that bring people closer to discovering who they really are.

thrifting is the best. i really like wearing pretty outfits, and maybe i'll try my hand at fashion photography this year.

i'm an old soul with a young spirit. i'm never not wanderlusting.

i'm learning to be bold and brave and spontaneous. i love adventure, but i'm an incurable procrastinator.

jesus is my everything, and even though i'm terribly flawed i love him with all my heart.

xx.
simplicity